Saturday, September 30th, 2006, 8:00 am

"Dearly Beloved, we are gathered here today 2 get through this thing called life. Electric word life. It means forever and that's a mighty long time, but I'm here 2 tell u, there's something else. The afterworld. A world of neverending happiness. U can always see the sun, day or night. So when u call up that shrink in Beverly Hills, you know the one - Dr. Everything'll Be All Right. Instead of asking him how much of your time is left, ask him how much of your mind, baby. 'Cuz in this life, things are much harder than in the afterworld. In this life... you're on your own.

And if de-elevator tries to bring you down... go crazy - punch a higher floor."


These words were chosen by Roger, who we are here today to pay respect to and celebrate the life of, for me to read aloud in the event of his passing. Most likely to see if I'd actually do it. If you can hear me Rog, you owe me big, and I'm taking your home theater as a down payment. But he also chose those words to make a point: That no matter how happy or wonderful or ideal a life he might have, he believed he would be going somewhere even more wonderful after death. Roger had faith in that belief, and that faith helped carry him through a number of rough times in his too short life.

I'm sure most of you are well aware of the trials and troubles that were a constant in his younger days. Orphaned at the age of 16, suffered several illnesses, and he had a temper that often flared up at the wrong time to the wrong people. He was pretty much "that grumpy old man" on the block, except that he was in his 20s. But through it all, he had a genuinely bright spark of kindness and fellowship. You forgave him for his outbursts because he'd always realize what he'd done and he always made up for it in spades. He was also a great prankster with a killer wit, and I credit him for helping to mold me into the fantastic bastard I am today.

And then Paige came along.

I don't think there's a single person here who can deny the profound effect Paige has had on Roger, right from the night they met. I remember how downright giddy Rog was after meeting her at that Christmas party, and what a pain in the ass he was while he tried to get everyone to get her number for him. Thank god he found the courage to call & ask her out, because I remember we had some pretty persistent friends there & I think they all got her number, most of which were for him. Paige later told me she thought everyone there was in telemarketing & she was expecting timeshare brochures by the truckfull.

The difference in Roger's attitude was unmistakable. Almost overnight, the cloud that seemed to always hover around him was lifted, and he quickly became one of the most loveable and jovial guys I've ever known. He never complained about work anymore, "I've got a reason now" he'd say. And sure, we all laughed at first because it was so funny to see him in this new light, and partly because we all figured he'd mess it up in a week & be back to his grumpy self again. But he didn't. He never did.

Take any group of guys and invariably, the conversation turns to women. Most times it gets pretty raw, and everyone tries to one-up the others with stories of their wild exploits & adventures, most of which are probably made up anyway. Before Paige, Roger was no different. According to him, he'd been involved with at least 3 cheerleaders from every team in the NFL and probably half those in the NBA. But after he met Paige, I honestly don't think I've ever heard a single word from him in that vein. In fact, many times he'd end up leaving early out of boredom. He didn't need to try and impress the guys with made-up stories anymore, because he already had the only person he ever wanted to impress. And I'm sure she was quite impressed when he reprogrammed her computer to fake a Y2K virus, then displaying "Will you marry me?" on her screen, totally locking up her system unless she'd type "yes." He told me he figured she'd say yes, since it'd be too much of a hassle for her to buy a new computer.

On June 10, 2000 they married and began what were unquestionably the best 6 years of Roger's life. Their marriage was one that everyone admired & wished they could have as their own. Paige has never been one to impose or make a fuss, but on those rare occasions where she had to call him when he was out with the guys, I always saw his face light up when he saw who the call was from. He never made excuses for leaving the party early, he loved her profoundly and, perhaps most importantly, was PROUD of it. In what I think is one of the most beautiful things I've ever heard, Roger expressed his love for her with the words "It's not that she's the love of my life, she's the life in my love." And when you remember what Roger was like before Paige, that she could so change that man's heart, that's a stunningly beautiful thought.

I know we've all had a fair share of tears this past week, and I know there'll be more to come. But I also look forward to reminiscing and sharing stories about our beloved friend with all of you. I met Rog shortly after his parents' deaths, at the lowest point of his life. I can't tell you how gratifying it's been for me to watch him go from being this miserable kid with a chip on both shoulders, to a man whose life I often found myself admiring and even at times envying. And while it's truly tragic how that life was cut short, I think it's even more important to always remember how richly fulfilled that life was, especially in recent years. Rog was one of my greatest friends, and the love that he had with Paige is something I will always be thankful that I was witness to.