ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

Apparently, I'm supposed to be dead.

I was driving my work van up a residential street this morning around 9:15, singing along with this week's new singles (well, more like sounding along, haha) when I suddenly saw this downed power line, partially on the ground, still attached at both sides of the street, coming up on me at eye level. There WAS a section in the middle of the road that was on the ground, but there was already a car driving over it. I slammed the brakes, but couldn't avoid running into the power line, and it went from under my left front tire to the upper front right of the windshield. SCORE!

The first thing I try to do is to back up. Makes sense, right? Live sparking power line across your front, back the hell up fast, right? I hear a kind of muffled creaking, and the 4 or 5 cars behind me started honking their horns. I tried going forward a bit, and hear the same creaking sound. I thought I had plenty of room to back up, so I tried that again. More horns, now sounding more rapidly. These people obviously want me dead, so I prepare to stomp the gas. A guy runs up along the sidewalk shouting GET OUT! GET OUT NOW! So I figure something's behind me that I just can't see. So I grab my phones & open the door.

Lying on the ground right where my feet would go is about 2 or 3 feet of cable. In fact, there's another 2 lines nearby. I can't just step down, so I decide to jump over it to a clear spot a few feet away. As I jump, time slows down & I feel like I'm doing one of those slow-motion-jump-from-the-explosion scenes from so many action movies. I land on one foot, then the other, then the other (haha, kidding) a few inches away from the cable, then kinda hop a couple paces here & there to avoid the other lines. I get clear & the guy comes up to me and says DID YOU SEE THOSE SPARKS? I look back & see the line, sparking away, and I'm quite glad to be on the sidewalk now.

As the police show up, a small crowd stars talking about the horrible screech/crash sound they heard about 5 minutes ago, then came out to find a power connector pulled away from their building, leaving the line dangling across the width of the street. They figured a rig truck must've somehow snagged it as it passed under, but they can't be sure since there's still a fully intact line that hangs a bit lower than this one did.

The cops block off the street, the firefighters are on their way, and I now have a chance to see the rest of the damage. At the front, part of the power line is shredded and wrapped around my front axle. I must've run over it, then when I backed up a bit it somehow threaded. At the back, another intact section of the line is wedged under the upper rim of the van, which runs all along the top. Basically, I'm trapped, which explains the creaking noises earlier. Oh, and the line's still sparking now & then, whee!

The firefighters arrive, look at the van, then come over to me & asked how I got out, then told me I shouldn't have gotten out! Apparently I was supposed to just sit in the van & wait to blow up. He said that after the initial impact (where electrocution's the most likely to occur) unless the vehicle's actually on fire, you shouldn't risk exiting, and then explained the wonders of electrical charge to me. This line was a multiple cable line, meaning one main cable, wrapped with 3 or 4 other smaller cables, each with a different voltage. When a live cable hits the ground, it creates a small electric field, about 5 or 6 inches in diameter. He knows I had to have jumped out, and asks if I landed on both feet at the same time. The reason is if one foot lands in one field, and the other lands in another field, boom. And I kinda hopscotched my way through a few lines. He asks if I'm joking, I say no, and the other guy confirms it, which totally floors the fireman. Between hitting the line, backing up into another line, and jumping around inbetween lines, I am, and I quote cos it stuck in my head, "Phenominally lucky to be alive."

Yeah, I sat down on the ground then.

The Edison crew shows up & shuts the power down, then they start to unravel the cable from my axle. One guy gets a "slight" shock which leaves a mark on his gloves, but he's used to it, haha. The officer takes my name, address & phone number, which I thought kinda weird, but hey maybe he's one of grav's friends. They clear me, I get in the van & drive off. As Mother Theresa once put it: "God don' wan' me yet, man. I got more feet ta taste."