BLOOD IS THICKER THAN BULLSHIT.

Today I had blood drawn to find out my type (oh I hope it comes back NEON!) as well as have some general tests done. I've always had a bit of an aversion to needles, but got over it years ago when I had blood tests every few days for almost a month before undergoing a gall bladder removal. Nothing was wrong with it, I just figured I already had a regular bladder, why bother with a gall one? OUT YOU GO, BASTARD! NO GALL BLADDER'S GONNA BE THE BOSS OF ME!

One of the tests was for diabetes, so no food for 12 or 14 hours before. And of course I started getting hungry around 10pm last night. I went in around 11:30 this morning & was sent straight to the draw station. The nurse/tech/whatever self-important title they give themselves nowadays tied off my left arm & had me make a fist. I did so, then proceeded to defiantly shake it in the air! YOU WILL NOT CLONE ME! I WILL DEAL WITH THAT MYSELF! ONCE MORE, THE SITH WILL RULE THE GALAXY AND WE WILL HAVE PEACE!

Uh, in case you don't know me that well, I do tend to kinda wander a bit, yay.

The nurse places a 1/2 sheet in front of me which details all the tests my blood will be used for. I am saddened to see there was no MUTANT GENE test in the list, fuck it all to hell. But all these tests require SIX VIALS of blood. SIX! If I knew another languge I'd say SIX in it for empahsis! No puede comer la sopa!

So the needle goes in no problem & she tells me to release my fist. Part of me wants to release it IN HER FACE, but she IS holding a fairly fragile pointed object in my arm, so I think better of it. Next time, you sow, next time! I'm watching as she fills up one vial, then two, then three. Now I'm starting to feel kinda weird, so I look away. I can now actually feel the life being sucked from me, so I take a deep breath. The nurse asks if I'm okay, and I say "yeah, just feel slightly light headed, you done?"

Apparently, my response is some sort of buzz phrase, cos almost immediately after I say it, two more nurses (none of them hot, BTW, dammit) appear with a wet rag, smelling salts and a magazine to fan me with. They tell me to place my head on the counter & I don't cos I know they're just gonna take my wallet. The 1st nurse practically shoves my head down & holds the smelling salt at my nose, which starts to make me feel worse, stupid whore. One of the others puts the wet rag on the back of my neck & the 3rd starts frantically fanning me with the magazine.

If I'd seen this happen to someone else, I'd have laughed my fucking ASS off at it, and so should you.

I try to sit up, but they won't LET me. One of them physically held her hand on my head to keep it down! I totally expected grav to come out at any moment screaming I HAVE YOU NOW, PREPARE TO BE INJECTED FROM BEHIND! Little bitch would totally set up something this elaborate just to try to anally rape me, I know it!

Finally they let me sit up & they say I look pale. Well of course I do! I've just given 80 gallons of blood & narrowly escaped being sodomized by a grubby messican who can turn chicks gay just by talking to them online! By now, there's a small crowd gathered outside the room, all looking to see what the fuss was about, and as I walked out I can assure you I was NOT pale at all, rather beet red. I wish I HAD passed out so they could carry me out on a stretcher & I wouldn't have had to walk past everybody. FUCKING EMBARRASSING doesn't even begin to describe it. But hey! I probably have a viable lawsuit now, WOO!

So, the lesson learned here? Fuck, I dunno. I'd say maybe it's that grav's a big homo, but you already knew that.