kiss o' kill

That's the name of a song on the new Ayumi Hamasaki album, out this week. I have no idea what the song's about, I don't speak Japanese, I just play a karaoke guy on TV. Without the TV. It's a decent enough song, even though it's as overproduced as most of the songs on Zwei's 2nd album (i.e. too goddamned much.) In fact, I don't even know if the title's supposed to read as "kiss or kill", which would be a kinda cool spy-like theme, or if it's "kiss of kill", like "will o' the wisp", or if it's supposed to be Irish, like "Luck o' the Irish", "Bill O'Reilly", or "Paddy O'Furniture".

Ewwwww, I just put Bill O'Reilly's name on my blog. Now I probably have to put a link to his stupid overpriced crap merchandise page. Bill O'Reilly DOORMAT. Good fucking lord.

Anyway, the song (and it's title) has nothing to do with this entry, I just thought it'd fill space.

Today was an awful, awful day. I thought for sure that my behavior lately had finally taken it's toll on my dearest friend in the world. I've been through some tough things this year, and I've let myself just slip further away from who I am each time. I've seriously pissed off some of my best friends (who've thankfully accepted me back since) and I've just gotten really too dark & brooding. Drunk too. Ohhhhhh how I've been drunk.

I have to thank my dear, dear, dear friend Jko for pointing out to me just what my behavior's been doing to the people I care about. I just didn't realize what I'd been doing until she spelled it out for me, and it was such a wake-up call & had such an effect on me and I just can't thank her enough for it. Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyoutytytytytytyty!!!!

So I came home to a message from my best friend & she wasn't mad at all, she was actually concerned that I was mad at her, which is just silly. So it became a great night. I learned a very powerful lesson without having to actually lose something very dear to me. I think I'm happier right now than I've been in a very long time. \:D/

Oh SHUT THE HELL UP! I get to be giddy once in awhile too, dammit!!!

The bitch is dead.

Saw the new 007 movie "Casino Royale" & liked it overall. I still don't fully accept Daniel Craig as Bond though, he's just a bit TOO rough-edged. Granted, I suppose that's the angle they're going for in this one, seeing how it's his beginning as a Double-O. Hopefully they'll add a little charm to his personality next time out. And give him a decent haircut. Maybe darken it a bit too, haha.

Funny enough, this movie kind of reinforced/cemented some feelings & thoughts I've had the past few weeks. I've been way too open about personal things & I think nothing good's come of it. If anything, I've probably made matters worse, or at the very least uncomfortable & awkward. Some hearts aren't meant to be worn on the outside I guess.

On a completely unrelated note, one of my dearest friends turns 24 tomorrow. If I forget to post here, Happy Birthday Jko. <3

Fuck.

Fuck.